If time is supposed to heal all wounds, why are mine still wide open for everyone to see. There is a gaping hole right where my heart should be and a hole the size of Saturn where my stomach used to be. Day by day the wounds grow bigger, get wider, and somehow feel heavier. You sit there, tell me that each day goes by, and you feel nothing? How can you feel nothing? How can you look at me, look at the holes in my body and feel nothing? It’s all there, all over my body. You can see right through me, and you feel nothing. The worst part about it is you’re telling me that you can feel it too. If you can feel it, why can’t I see it? Why are you so calm, so content with your life? You have no holes, you have nothing. I can’t see through you. I can’t see the planet sized wound in your stomach, in your heart. Why do you feel the need to lie to me? To tell me that time will heal all wounds. None of this was hard for you. You didn’t have to feel your insides being ripped out of you. What you wanted, you got to keep. What I wanted, got ripped out of me like some deadly tumor. You sat there and pretended it was all ok. I sat there wishing I were dead. Wishing that everything was different. Wishing I had done differently. You sat there loving me, “protecting” me. I sat there hating myself, feeling as if I had just lost an entire vital part of myself. There was nothing after that. My whole world, my whole life had no more meaning. The world turned black and even the sight of a person younger than 10 ripped everything out of me all over again. You have no idea how hard this was for me. All you ever cared about was yourself. How this would look for you. How people would judge you. How this would affect you. You told me this would be better for me, well it wasn’t. Not at all. Nothing has been better and now I sit here with holes all over my body from the hatred and the sadness. If time is supposed to heal all wounds, then why are mine even wider for the whole world to look through.
Categories:
Holes
Claire Dusek, Phoenix Contributor
December 12, 2023
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